One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab.
The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.
Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.
It’s 2 am and the shot of vodka I just took tastes exactly like your name
It’s 3 am and this vodka is starting to taste less like your name and more like your lips
It’s 4 am and I just realized the vodka doesn’t taste like your lips or your name. It tastes like the last thing you screamed before you slammed the door, “goodbye”
My own drunken words speak more truth then you ever did.
smack that ass from 8 feet away
more like smack myself in the eye and cry for a few hours
According to the Internet, this is what Europeans think breakfast in America is like.
Cheers to a dope weekend
i need friends like this….
Girl’s are amazing
I think we broke the notes…
i feel like i’m reblogging history. “the post that broke the notes”
THERE ARE NO FUCKING NOTES
WE HAVE REACHED INFINITY
what the heLL
where is it